There are many losses in life, but the most painful loss is the loss to death. It is hard for man to know how to recreate himself once he has lost such a big part of him. When you lose another, you lose a part of you - an emptiness that is never filled.
Grief is a personal journey. When you accept that truth, you can begin the journey of healing.
Grief is a universal experience shared by everyone; yet, sometimes one person’s journey is infinitely more difficult than another’s. Why does this happen? How do you get through the sea of emotions that sometimes threaten to drown you? What can you do to make life better again?
Grieve for those you have lost, but do not grieve to the point when you stop living life.
That’s so much easier said than done. How do you tell parents not to grieve too long for their child? You don’t. Everyone grieves in their own way, regardless of the support they have around them. Telling them that their child is happy and well gives them little comfort when their heart is so broken. They have to grieve in their way.
If grief begins to steal your life, it is time for your support system to step in and prop you up. That is when you must start the journey of true healing.
According to The Guides, this is how it works from The Other Side:
When someone leaves your world, you feel as though it has not happened. Even though you acknowledge the loss, it does not feel real. At first, your focus is only on the person you lost. You may spend days, weeks, months, and years focusing on them – the loss of them. You mourn them. You think of them as they were. You think of them as a ghost in your life. You mourn their youth. You mourn what they will miss in not living their life or the life they might have lived. You talk to them in words. You communicate with them in all ways and you even think you see them at times. Your grief is only for them and the life they lost. Even if your loss is someone older in years, there is still a part of life you feel they will miss, regardless of their age. You do not yet acknowledge that the world in which they live now is no longer confined by walls and limitations.
Yes, when you first experience the loss of someone, you feel for them. You worry about them. The thoughts and feelings you have can take months or years to soften. But there are many who never move pass this stage of loss. It is the way they distract themselves from grieving their loss. They feel that as long as they search for them--as long as they are connected to them with their grief--they create a secure place for them in their life.
While that can be healing, it can become unhealthy if it consumes their life. Every step they take, every face they see, every message they receive…they believe it is from them. When they allow every part of their life to be consumed looking for them or searching to connect to them, they take from them their own life. More importantly, they rob the person who died from creating and living their new life.
In the world we live, we understand that in the first stages of your grief, you are consumed in the concern for the one you lost. We see the sorrow in you, as do they. They see the need for you to connect to them. They feel the pain you carry in your heart. We see you thinking of their hardships, the fear they perhaps felt when they died. You wonder who met them when they crossed over. Your entire life is about them – wondering where they are, wondering what they are doing – thinking of what they see in their world. What do they do with their time? Do they eat? Do they feel? Do they see you? All of your thoughts are focused on them. Your grief is for them. The more caring you are, the more thoughtful you are of them in their new life. You know they are still a part of your world. You can feel them, and sometimes you might even see them.
During these difficult periods, you try hard to help you communicate with them. You want you to know they are awake, alive, and hopeful. You are truly recreating you with a new interest in them. Yes, they grieve your loss for them. Yes, they grieve losing you. To them, however, it is only a short time until they will reconnect to you.
Souls who enter into the spiritual world feel the burden of those they have left. They find themselves wanting to comfort and console. Many times this takes from them the existence of their new world. It takes from them a life that must be ignited.
There is no right or wrong time to grieve or a path that is the most effective. In the beginning, all grief is consuming. You cannot imagine your life without them; therefore, you wonder about their new life. You spend much of your time in search of understanding their new world. You find ways to study and to broaden your own spirituality, your own connection to God. You start the journey of seeking to understand the whys. You might even question what the lesson of death is, or what the lesson is of any loss you might have. Thankfully, that is when you begin to look for ways to escape the feelings you are feeling. You just want these painful feelings to disappear.
This is just the beginning of healing. When you begin to search for answers and work to understand what is beyond life, you acquire knowledge that will continually deepen your desire to connect to your wisdom. When you connect to your wisdom, you find a new life of understanding. You learn that death is as much a part of living as is breathing. You realize that in order to live, you have to die. You realize that in order to die, you have to live. It all fits together like a puzzle in God’s world.
If there is pain in your world, you cannot ignore it. It continues to gnaw at you until you are forced to confront it. The pain of loss will continue to chew on you, to gnaw on you until you fully confront it, understand it, and begin to heal it. The first step toward healing your pain is to learn to reconnect to your soul, to touch the God part of you. Until you are able to do that, you are focusing only on the person that is lost. The death is still all about them, and not about you.
We want you to know, though, that there is no mystery to death. With everything that happens in life, there is a give and a take. You are in a position of loss, and from it you will gain. You are afraid that if you accept the loss, if you focus on the lesson for you, it minimizes the person who has gone through the death. In actuality, it empowers them. For they see the purpose of the loss for you in experiencing it. They also know that if you are unable to connect spiritually, you will continue to stay in only what has been taken from you, so they try to help you shift into your higher mind to understand the gift of the loss.
It is then when you begin to uncover your soul. You discover the link between life and death. Suddenly, you gain a new understanding of the reason, the purpose of the loss. Knowing that will bring knowledge that will uncover your inner wisdom.
As you acquire this new knowledge, you will slowly sink into your wisdom. From there, you will understand your connection to the spirit world. That, my dear ones, is when you begin to confront the anger and depression from the loss. You find you no longer need to label your emotions. You are free to have them. You can recognize that the lost soul is in a better place. You cannot save them from wherever they are. You can only pray for them, connect to them through memory and prayer...but now, you must save you. That is the responsibility you have in all losses in your life.
It is important that you begin the process of healing you. You no longer have the authority nor the know-how to heal the soul that was once a part of your life, so you begin the process of taking care of you. You reach out to those around you who have endured the same type of loss as you. You begin to communicate your feelings to those you trust. You begin to plan for life, creating a different life. You are aware that life will never be the same, so you start to look for new one.
Accept that as long as you are alive, you have a message to tell. That is your responsibility to your higher power, God. You have not lost your physical life. You have just lost a part of it. You are left here to live out your message.
To begin healing from the loss you have experienced, acknowledge, accept and understand your loss. Until you do, you will be lost in grief.
Face your anger.
Embrace your sadness.
Accept your depression.
Tell your story to others.
Express yourself through words in whatever way you can, for it unwraps the gift of the loss.
And for that, it is truth.
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